Saturday 21 December 2013

Letting go

This year the run up to Christmas has seemed much easier.  Even though we went away for the weekend at the beginning of December, thus cutting out some valuable preparation days, it has seemed less pressurised.

Why is this?

I think it's because the 'children' have been quietly completing some of the tasks I usually feel I need to do.  So daughter S helped me buy and bring home the Christmas tree last Saturday, and then decorated it, and I didn't need to do anything - with young children you still have to dig out the decorations and supervise the hanging of them.  When son G's fiancee arrived (she's staying with us for Christmas) he was mildly irritated when I checked if he'd offered her a cup of tea - of course he had, he's an adult in his mid-20s. 

Even though I still prepare a stocking for the children, and indeed this year have bought stocking gifts for their fiances, it's still felt less anxious than the years when I was frantically wrapping little gifts at 11.30pm on Christmas Eve.

The internet helps, because we could order various presents online.   

As I sit here, daughter S's fiance B has just brought us a slice of pizza, as we're ensconced in the study whilst they have a party with S's old school friends.  (It's actually the second party today - we had mulled wine and mince pies for neighbours and friends from 11am-1pm, and then S's friends arrived for their party.  It's finishing with a trip to the cinema.  This would not have been possible a few years ago because the double organisation would have defeated me.)

I'm enjoying this because it makes Christmas more fun.  I've always loved it but got quite stressed.  But I suppose a part of me feels strange that they no longer depend on me in the same way, and that in fact I can begin to depend on them to be involved, as adults, in all that family life requires. 

This time next year the Christmas cards will just be sent from two of us instead of four, and we will be negotiating with other families for time with the two newly married couples.  It will be different.  But letting go brings new pleasures, and no doubt this will continue as they begin to develop their own traditions, and involve us in them.

It's a Christmas of transition, but it's less difficult than I expected.

The best things this week: Finding a bizarre Fairtrade toy octopus as a present,  listening to wonderful John Rutter carols, and having all six of us (including the two fiances) together for the wekend
The worst thing this week:  We keep waking up at 3 o'clock in the morning for no reason and then it's difficult to get back to sleep



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